Even When it Hurts...
Today I served on our worship team for the morning services. I've been serving in this department in one capacity or another for over 20 years, and it's one of the greatest joys for me. I LOVE worship. I love singing. I love our team. And yet...
One of the reasons I so easily fell in love with worship was that I was raised very closely to it. My daddy was on a worship team for basically my entire life until he passed away. Even after he got sick, even after he'd been through multiple rounds of chemo, he still faithfully served. It was something we did together and it made it mean all that much more to me. I'll never forget the first time I went on to lead worship after he passed away; I nearly didn't make it to the stage. It caused me physical pain to be up there without him at least in the building. Or alive. It took my breath away, and for many months - years, really - there would be moments where I experienced that same overwhelming sense of loss.
I'll tell you what: if ever I realized the unfathomable peace and comfort of Father God, it was in those moments. They stretched me, they pushed me, they strengthened me, they grew me. And they grew my relationship with Him and core knowledge of his tangible presence, even when it hurt a little. Or a lot.
It's actually been a long time since I've been blindsided by that particular wave of emotion...until this morning. I think one of the most difficult things for me personally to deal with in a loss of this particular magnitude is the way that these things blindside you. You can't predict them, you don't see them coming, and you don't know what kind of or how strong your reaction will be. Super for when it's 7:45 and you're overslept, undercaffeinated, and just wanting to help bring joyful energy to the early morning practice. (Moments like these are why it's a good thing it's not about us!) I found myself fighting back tears and feeling frustrated, praying that it would stop and fast.
The tears and feeling out of air didn't last long. The pain in my heart didn't last long. But a very powerful thought did last long. It stayed with me all day and I'm sharing it with you now: EVEN WHEN IT HURTS.
My daughters are ballerinas, and the oldest is really starting to reach that level where the classes are hard. Very hard sometimes. And when you get through with them, you're tired, you're sore, you're questioning life in general (Okay, that may just be her conditioning class. 😂). On top of this, she's got an inflammation issue in one of her heels that she will deal with off and on, potentially up until she stops growing. There are days she comes home from class and cries. Times where she stretches (gotta get those splits!) and it hurts and she cries. But unless she is feverish and I practically have to tie her down, she will not miss a class. She'll tape her heel, drink extra water, blow her nose when teary-eyed, and get back to the grind. Because it's her passion, it's her calling for this season, and she's meant to do it - even when it hurts. This is a fairly common notion among athletes and even members of the fitness community (in all levels, lol). NO PAIN, NO GAIN, right? And really, it's true. And working through the pain helps you to strengthen not only your body, but your mindset. It's an incredible process.
But what I never really stopped to think about was that this applies to other pain, other circumstances, other areas of our life. And in my opinion, the less physical the pain, the harder it is to push through sometimes. For me today, it was worshiping on stage, with the team, remembering and feeling the loss oh so freshly for the first time in awhile, and pushing through, even though it hurt. I can't tell you that there was this crazy, super-spiritual moment where I knew I'd just jumped over a huge hurdle, because that wasn't the case. But it was an act of obedience and surrender in a moment that could break me completely, or stretch me. Strengthen me. Grow me. And remind me again of the unfailing faithfulness and love of my Father God.
This "non-physical" pain manifests itself differently in each of our lives, and creates roadblocks that are uniquely tailored to us as individuals. Maybe it's hurt over rejection, major insecurity, bitterness, loneliness, feeling like a failure, family issues, marriage issues, wayward children or family members, job issues - who knows? There is no mold for this, only the guarantee that at some point, we are going to be asked to keep going, to stay the road, to not quit - or even take a break sometimes! - to push on, even. when. it. hurts.
And you know what? It's worth it. YOU are worth it. There will be times where we'll know the Holy Spirit is saying "Stop! Rest, recover, don't go further just yet," and in those times we'll get to experience a different kind of love from our Father God who comforts us and holds us in Hands. But when He says, "Keep going, I've got this," do. Surrender yourself to that conditioning class that will have you either in tears or vomiting, or both. Allow God to use those beautiful moments of brokenness to shape and transform you.
God makes all things new, and sometimes this is how He does it. Even when it hurts.
One of the reasons I so easily fell in love with worship was that I was raised very closely to it. My daddy was on a worship team for basically my entire life until he passed away. Even after he got sick, even after he'd been through multiple rounds of chemo, he still faithfully served. It was something we did together and it made it mean all that much more to me. I'll never forget the first time I went on to lead worship after he passed away; I nearly didn't make it to the stage. It caused me physical pain to be up there without him at least in the building. Or alive. It took my breath away, and for many months - years, really - there would be moments where I experienced that same overwhelming sense of loss.
I'll tell you what: if ever I realized the unfathomable peace and comfort of Father God, it was in those moments. They stretched me, they pushed me, they strengthened me, they grew me. And they grew my relationship with Him and core knowledge of his tangible presence, even when it hurt a little. Or a lot.
It's actually been a long time since I've been blindsided by that particular wave of emotion...until this morning. I think one of the most difficult things for me personally to deal with in a loss of this particular magnitude is the way that these things blindside you. You can't predict them, you don't see them coming, and you don't know what kind of or how strong your reaction will be. Super for when it's 7:45 and you're overslept, undercaffeinated, and just wanting to help bring joyful energy to the early morning practice. (Moments like these are why it's a good thing it's not about us!) I found myself fighting back tears and feeling frustrated, praying that it would stop and fast.
The tears and feeling out of air didn't last long. The pain in my heart didn't last long. But a very powerful thought did last long. It stayed with me all day and I'm sharing it with you now: EVEN WHEN IT HURTS.
My daughters are ballerinas, and the oldest is really starting to reach that level where the classes are hard. Very hard sometimes. And when you get through with them, you're tired, you're sore, you're questioning life in general (Okay, that may just be her conditioning class. 😂). On top of this, she's got an inflammation issue in one of her heels that she will deal with off and on, potentially up until she stops growing. There are days she comes home from class and cries. Times where she stretches (gotta get those splits!) and it hurts and she cries. But unless she is feverish and I practically have to tie her down, she will not miss a class. She'll tape her heel, drink extra water, blow her nose when teary-eyed, and get back to the grind. Because it's her passion, it's her calling for this season, and she's meant to do it - even when it hurts. This is a fairly common notion among athletes and even members of the fitness community (in all levels, lol). NO PAIN, NO GAIN, right? And really, it's true. And working through the pain helps you to strengthen not only your body, but your mindset. It's an incredible process.
But what I never really stopped to think about was that this applies to other pain, other circumstances, other areas of our life. And in my opinion, the less physical the pain, the harder it is to push through sometimes. For me today, it was worshiping on stage, with the team, remembering and feeling the loss oh so freshly for the first time in awhile, and pushing through, even though it hurt. I can't tell you that there was this crazy, super-spiritual moment where I knew I'd just jumped over a huge hurdle, because that wasn't the case. But it was an act of obedience and surrender in a moment that could break me completely, or stretch me. Strengthen me. Grow me. And remind me again of the unfailing faithfulness and love of my Father God.
This "non-physical" pain manifests itself differently in each of our lives, and creates roadblocks that are uniquely tailored to us as individuals. Maybe it's hurt over rejection, major insecurity, bitterness, loneliness, feeling like a failure, family issues, marriage issues, wayward children or family members, job issues - who knows? There is no mold for this, only the guarantee that at some point, we are going to be asked to keep going, to stay the road, to not quit - or even take a break sometimes! - to push on, even. when. it. hurts.
And you know what? It's worth it. YOU are worth it. There will be times where we'll know the Holy Spirit is saying "Stop! Rest, recover, don't go further just yet," and in those times we'll get to experience a different kind of love from our Father God who comforts us and holds us in Hands. But when He says, "Keep going, I've got this," do. Surrender yourself to that conditioning class that will have you either in tears or vomiting, or both. Allow God to use those beautiful moments of brokenness to shape and transform you.
God makes all things new, and sometimes this is how He does it. Even when it hurts.
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