I find it ironic that the same spring that my father was diagnosed with cancer, God gave me the idea and title for this blog, 'Laughing at My Future.' In reality, I think it was preparation for what was to come. I spent time poring over the Word, and really arming myself with the strengthening reminders of His love, His mercy, His strength, His power, and so on and so forth. Then I headed into what felt like living hell on earth. And yet...YET...here I stand, on the other side of it (or close to it, in some respects), feet firmly on the ground, heart still trusting God completely, and that deep joy still inside me.
When my daddy - my HERO - passed away, I felt like my world crashed. Exploded. Might possibly be over. But instead of giving into the fear, depression, insanity (not exaggerating), etc that I was tempted to many times, I went running back to God, throwing myself into His arms in prayer, through the Word, through counseling times with trusted leaders and friends, and time and time again, I felt that indescribable peace, and the promise of a future and a hope, that deeply rooted joy of the Lord, and I felt my sanity and strength return.
I know this sounds like rambling, but it's not. Well, maybe it is. I guess what I'm trying to say is if there is anyone out there today, RIGHT NOW, that feels that desperation, like they're drowning or just out of or losing control of their life, you have a life line waiting for you to grab hold of, no matter where you are or what is going on. Father God is there. He loves you. He's there for you, to bring you through whatever darkness or valley you're in to the other side. To bring you victory and rejoicing.
One last thing. My daddy passed away on a Saturday night. The next morning, although so much of me didn't want to, my family went to church. I don't remember a whole lot of that day, but I remember with vivid clarity a few things, one of which was the song that my friend played at the end of the worship service. I remember being in the midst of everyone, and just bawling my eyes out because of the pain of the loss, but also the sweetness of God's presence. I remember the confusion over what had happened, but also the peace that He knew and was there to hold my hand through the days to come, just as he had every other day prior. The song was "Song of Solomon," by Martin Smith. To this day, I usually can't hear it played live without losing it, but I don't consider that a bad thing. It's a beautiful depiction of how when going through valleys, darkness, or trials, one needs God, to come running to Him, to be held by Him. It ministers to me every time I hear it, and I've attached the link in hopes that it speaks to someone else today.
Be blessed, be filled with the joy of the Lord, and know that He loves you and has a future and a HOPE for you as well. All you have to do is come running to Him.