Homeschooling: A Posture of Flexibility and Grace

The students working diligently. So proud of them.

Today was our first day of school. Olivia is in 7th grade, Cecilia is in 5th, and Micah is in 3rd, and my goodness is this. mama. tired. No matter how much planning goes into the year, each school day has its own ebb and flow and even the most successful of days can drain a mama at times. Or a dad. Or both.

Feel encouraged yet? No? Okay, let me start again.

This will be my eighth year of homeschooling one or more of my kids, and to be honest, I'm pretty sure if I were to tally it up, I have logged a lot more failures than successes. In the day-to-day, and even sometimes year-to-year operations, I have spent many a day feeling like I just needed to put myself in timeout for an undetermined amount of time until I could come out with a better attitude because Lord knows I certainly wasn't helping anything when my tantrum over long division matched theirs!

(Look, sometimes it's healthy to admit your occasional {read: frequent} immaturity so we can all understand that no one is perfect, *especially* when it comes to educating their children in the ways of stinkin mathematics and science. Just saying.) 

The good news? All of that - wins, failures, struggles, etc. - is behind us. It's part of our story, sure, but it's in the past. Just as every day is new with no mistakes in it yet (thanks, Anne Shirley), so does each school year bring new opportunity for growth, strengthening and a whole new set of possible wins!

The point I am wanting to drive home is that, in the midst of what has felt like constant struggle, inadequacy, and failure on my part, there has never stopped being forward motion, and THAT is what matters. 

Teaching my girls (and myself) the indispensable life lesson that progress, no matter how small or slow, will always result in an eventual win, has probably been one of the most significant things I have accomplished so far.

Which brings me to you. And us. And this crazy world situation that leaves so many families navigating the world of homeschooling (whether completely or partially) for the first time. While we are all going to lose our ever-loving minds if we hear the term "unprecedented times" one more time, the fact of the matter is, that that is what we are still navigating, and I know a lot of parents are feeling clueless, helpless, and trying to fight feeling hopeless. And it breaks my heart, all of it. 

So, what exactly is your point, Crystle? Because so far I'm feeling worse...

Yeah, sorry. I never nailed the whole sandwich thing, and part of my writing style is brutal honesty first, encouragement second, so hang in there, it's coming!!

Before that, though, I need to make a couple of things clear: 

First, I am not going to give you a list of "how-to's in order to have a perfect year." Not because I don't think they'd be amazing for you and I wouldn't love to equip you like that, but because I don't think that that list exists in quite that specific a manner. I'll get to that in a minute, but I want to clear that expectation up immediately.

Second, this really is strictly meant to be an encouragement. It's from my heart to yours - if you want it, if it resonates with you, that is amazing. If not, that's fine, too. 

So here we go.

Whether you are new to the world of homeschooling voluntarily or by force, here we are - Welcome! Believe it or not, I'm glad you're here. We are community, and no matter how temporary your situation is, I promise you that many a homeschool mama/parent is here to support and encourage as best we can. So here are the tips and encouragements I have to give, such as they are. (in other words, the real reason you're reading this post is finally here!)

1) Breathe. Pause. Breathe again. 

No really, I do mean that! Homeschooling as a concept can be overwhelming, and when one has been thrown into it in an unexpected way, that feeling is certainly compounded. But it WILL be okay if you take a moment for yourself. As a perfectionist who absolutely shuts down when things start to collapse around me, this has become a vital part of my school year...month...week...day...hour. 

When you are in a good place, you can help them be in a good place.

2) Be Patient - with them and yourself!  

I read a quote the other day that said "Remember to be extra kind to your kids' teachers because most of them are building the plane as they fly it." and WOW, has there ever been a more accurate description of this school year? I think not. And while this was specifically written about teachers, I personally think it needs to 100% apply to parents as well. Unchartered waters means you're navigating, adjusting the sails, and documenting as you go - and that. is. okay. Be kind to yourself! Be kind to your kids! You'll not only survive, in the long run, you'll set yourself up to thrive.

Unchartered waters means you're navigating, adjusting the sails, and documenting as you go - and that. is. okay.

3) Be Flexible. 

Okay this one makes me laugh every time I say it, it really does. Because if ever there was a homeschool mom who was determined to stick to "the plan" and not allow it to evolve as the situation actually required, it was me. Like, for years. I was getting ready for Olivia's kindergarten year when my pastor's wife first cautioned me to be willing to go easier if needed, change curriculum if needed, and be open to what actually works for my kids, not just what I've read about and decided to do. She has known me my entire life, knows my personality through and through, and can often call me out the moment she sees the perfectionism taking over. And I'd love to say I immediately took her advice, wrote it on the tablets of my heart, and our homeschool life was forever changed in that instant, but the truth is I was stubborn and confident and ignorant, and it was several years before I let those words that I had stored in the back of my mind, truly resonate all the way to my core, and into our home. Game changer.

I have three children, and each of them has a different learning style, preferred subject, response to correction, etc. Basically you name it, and they're all three different in how they feel about or react to it. Had I attempted to force my "one size fits all" ideals on them, our life would be miserable, day in and day out. I was writing a post on Instagram the other day, and the phrase "a posture of flexibility and grace" popped into my mind, and my post, and honestly if there is anything in this post that I beg you to take with you when you leave, it is that concept right there. It has been invaluable for us, not only in actual success in school, but even just the atmosphere in our home. Which brings me to my next point.

4) Your home does not have to look exactly like a classroom in order for them to succeed. 

Believe you me, if we had an extra room I could set up as a dedicated school room, I absolutely would! But we do school in the dining room. For years I had charts and maps and posters and calendars all over the place because I assumed that my girls would only thrive in their academic pursuits if I created the ultimate Pinterest homeschool set-up. Guess what? They didn't. In fact, in recent years we've found that the best atmosphere and environment for us is fall décor, pumpkin spice candles, and lots of classical music playing in the background. So, basically as homey and non-schoolish as you can get. Who knew? This is not to say that those setups are not amazing, and while the kids are little or maybe if they're transitioning from a normal classroom to learning at home, they can be super instrumental, all I'm saying is that no one should feel that their children are being shorted if their home setup isn't a replica of the classroom they're used to. I promise you this, they will learn regardless of what's on the wall, and if you plan to do this long term and really dial in to what makes them comfortable, focused, and able to maintain peace while learning, GO WITH IT. 

Find What Works for YOU.

4) Find organization that you can sustain, and a rhythm that works for all of you.

This one is probably the biggest "practical" tip I could or would give. I think I organized and planned the girls' school year a different way every year for 6 years? Guess what? I had to do it a different way the next year, because the previous plan just wasn't sustainable, at least not for our life. Last year I finally landed on one that seems to really work for us - our schedules, our personalities, and the fact that there are three homeschoolers and one mama! A big indicator for me that I'd finally found "the one" was that we all four settled into a successful rhythm for the first time...and kept it going for the entire year...which led to us finishing even stronger than we began. So along with learning flexibility and grace, understand that homeschooling is meant to be tailored to each home specifically. Find your perfect fit, make adjustments if needed, and hold fast.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

5) It will be okay. Truly. 

We as humans are not perfect. Other than the occasional anomaly, most people cannot excel in absolutely everything. Homeschooling will expose this truth quickly, and in the most humbling of ways. But that's okay. Be willing to accept that truth, and also be reassured that those blanks that exist due to your "lack of skill" will be filled in, in one way or another, and eventually will simply be landmarks on the map of your journey through this life. I promise.

Look, maybe I'm still riding the high of having my first summer break in 5 years, because we actually finished ALL of our schoolwork last year and could take the time off before this school year started, but let me tell you, if you keep at it, keep your chin up, and don't give up, it really does work.

There is a beautiful insight into your children that can only be gained through homeschooling. You learn the way their mind works - both in receiving and transmitting information. You learn what helps them to retain, and what causes them to forget. You learn how to help them handle failure and disappointment, and you get to celebrate even the tiniest of wins with them in the moment - in the way that will mean the most. If you take the time, you'll get to know your children in such a new way, and the result of this can be an incredible synergy that can spill over into other areas of your family life, and maybe cause them to flourish in a new way as well. 

Does it take hard work? Yep. Jennifer Garner said "the juggle is real" when it comes to parenthood and homeschooling and life in general, and she's absolutely right. Somedays you may absolutely hate it. I certainly have had my fair {large} share of those moments. But the reward is great, and worth every minute.

Moral of my story? You've got this. YOU'VE. GOT. THIS. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I believe in you, and I'm here for you. Let's make the rest of this calendar year that has been so crazy and kind of awful, the first half of a school year that will go down in history as one of our kids' best.

We CAN do it.